doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
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