I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
