I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
