I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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