I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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