it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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