Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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