All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
literally had 100 drinks last night.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
