I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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