i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
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