The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
