Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I fill condoms, not promises.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
