awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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