Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Randomize
