i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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