I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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