no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
