I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
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