I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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