OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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