Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize