I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
