Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
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