East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize
