'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
