I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
