I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
one might say we're banned from that church
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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