Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Just high enough for therapy.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
She needs sedatives and a leash
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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