We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Randomize
