i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
