I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
You made out with two different species that night
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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