in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
