Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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