My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
