you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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