I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
handjob tips. give me some.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
