Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
