She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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