miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
We're too hungover to prance.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize