Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
