ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
