One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
