How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize