Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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