I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
