I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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