She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
