You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
