hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
