yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
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