I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
