Soap is not a condiment
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Randomize
