Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Hello my rib-scented angel!
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
