i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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