One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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