dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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