Already got asked if we're dating
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Randomize
