I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
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