I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
