absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
