:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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