Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Randomize