We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
