My sheets look like a crime scene.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
