Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
