Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
