I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
