"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
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