Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Randomize
