.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
