Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
