Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
