Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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