mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
