you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
