Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
